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I was visiting my parents in Palm Desert, California this past week for my father’s 90th birthday (and my mother’s 88th!). As I drove back to Arizona, watching the desert landscape roll by, I couldn’t stop thinking about how in love they still are and how, even at their age, they find things they love to do and that give them purpose. It got me thinking about how having a sense of purpose isn’t just a nice-to-have – it’s absolutely crucial for living a resilient life. When we have purpose, we have a reason to bounce back from setbacks, to keep moving forward even when things get tough. My parents are living proof of this. Up until just a year or so ago, my mom was still volunteering at the center for the blind, even as she started facing her own health challenges. And my father, a retired doctor, continued to volunteer at a local free medical clinic well into his late 80s. Have you ever wondered what keeps people going, even in the face of challenges or advancing age? What gives them that spark, that reason to get up every morning with a smile? Finding and maintaining a sense of purpose is like having an internal compass. It guides our decisions, gives meaning to our actions, and provides the motivation to keep going when life throws curveballs our way. In other words, it’s a key ingredient in the recipe for resilience. Here are three strategies I’ve observed in my parents that we can all learn from: Continuous Learning: My parents never stop seeking new knowledge. My Dad, at 90, still reads medical journals to stay updated on the latest advancements. My Mom took up watercolor painting in her 70s. They’ve shown me that learning isn’t just for the young – it’s a lifelong journey that keeps our minds sharp and our spirits engaged. What’s something new you’ve always wanted to learn? Maybe it’s time to sign up for that cooking class or start learning a new language online. Here is a worksheet you can download to get you started! Curiosity Compass: Your Personal Learning Adventure Worksheet Giving Back: Both my parents found immense satisfaction in volunteering. It wasn’t about grand gestures, but about consistently showing up and making a difference in their community. My Mothers’s work at the Center for the Blind gave her a sense of purpose that went beyond her own challenges. Is there a cause close to your heart? Consider dedicating even just an hour a week to volunteering. It could be at a local animal shelter, a food bank, or even offering to tutor a neighbor’s child. Nurturing Relationships: The love between my parents after all these years is truly inspiring. They prioritize their relationship but also maintain strong connections with friends and family. These relationships provide support, joy, and a sense of belonging. Who in your life haven’t you connected with in a while? Why not reach out to an old friend or family member this week? A simple phone call or message can reignite a meaningful connection. Bach Flower Wisdom: You know, there’s a Bach Flower Remedy called Wild Oat that can be particularly helpful when you’re feeling unsure of your direction in life. It supports clarity and decision-making when you’re exploring your purpose. This week, I challenge you to take one small step towards connecting with your purpose. I’m curious, if you had an extra hour each day, how would you spend it to feel more fulfilled? Just reply to this email to share!
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Have you ever caught yourself obsessing over a tiny detail, convinced that everything must be flawless? I certainly have. I can remember spending hours agonizing over a presentation, tweaking every slide until the wee hours of the morning. Blearily eyed I’d stare at my computer screen, head in my hands, asking ”Why am I doing this to myself!” Was this pursuit of perfection serving me, or holding me back? (that’s rhetorical, it wasn’t serving me!) Recalling this moment of clarity got me thinking about how often we, as high-achieving women, fall into the perfection trap, and the impact it has on our resilience. Perfectionism isn’t just about high standards; it’s a double-edged sword that can both drive us and drain us. While striving for excellence can lead to great achievements, unchecked perfectionism can be a major obstacle to our well-being and resilience. I recently worked with a client, let’s call her Emma, who was facing this struggle. A successful business owner and mother of three, Emma prided herself on her meticulous attention to detail. “If it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing,” she often said. I get it, I have often thought that way. But I have learned to change my self-talk to “If it is worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly!” And I can tell you, it has been a game changer. Look, my “doing it poorly” isn’t shoddy, but it is a rung down from “driving myself (and maybe others around me) crazy”. I shared this with Emma and it helped her recognize that her mindset, and mantra, were keeping her in a constant state of stress, unable to delegate, and missing out on precious moments with her family. Does this resonate with you? Have you ever felt paralyzed by the fear of not meeting your own impossibly high standards? Overcoming perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards; it’s about redefining success and building resilience. By learning to embrace imperfection, we open ourselves up to growth, creativity, and a more balanced life. Here are a couple of strategies Emma and I worked on together: The "Good Enough" Challenge: We established a daily practice of intentionally doing one task at 80% effort. This helped Emma learn that the world doesn’t fall apart when things aren’t perfect. For instance, Emma decided to send an email without obsessively proofreading it five times. To her surprise, not only did the recipient understand the message perfectly, but Emma also gained back valuable time in her day. Does this ring true for you? If so I encourage you to try this as well. Choose one task today and deliberately aim for “good enough” instead of perfect. Notice how it feels and what you gain from it. Reframing “Mistakes” as “Learning Opportunities”: Emma started keeping a “Growth Journal” where she recorded things that didn’t go as planned and what she learned from them. One entry read: “Presentation glitch - slide transition didn’t work. Learned to always have a backup plan and that I can think on my feet.” This practice helped Emma see that imperfections often lead to valuable insights and personal growth. How might your life change if you started celebrating your imperfections instead of hiding them? Here is a downloadable PDF that can help you track “Good Enough” as well as “Mistake Moments” and what you learned from them. Keep it simple and try it for ONLY 1 or 2 days. Bach Flower Wisdom Rock WaterFlower essences are a natural and safe way to heal unwanted thoughts, feelings, and concerns. The remedy Rock Water can be especially helpful for those struggling with perfectionism. It supports flexibility and self-acceptance, helping to soften rigid expectations of oneself. This week, I challenge you to embrace one imperfection each day. Start small - maybe leave a dish in the sink overnight or wear mismatched socks. Notice how it feels to let go of that need for perfection. I’m curious, what are your thoughts? What’s one area where you tend to be overly perfectionist? How might embracing imperfection in this area free up your energy and time? Warmly, Last week, I found myself staring at my to-do list, filled with tasks for everyone but me. It hit me: when was the last time I asked myself, “What do I want?” This simple question felt almost foreign, yet incredibly powerful. This experience got me thinking about how often we, as women, put ourselves last. It’s time we talked about the importance of self-consideration as a resilience strategy. The concept of asking “What do I want?” is more than just self-indulgence; it’s a crucial aspect of self-awareness and personal growth. Yet, for many of us, it’s a question we struggle to answer. Hannah is a client I work with who epitomizes this struggle. A successful executive and mother of two, Hannah realized she couldn’t remember the last time she made a decision purely for herself. “I feel like I’ve lost touch with my own desires,” she confessed. “Everything I do is for my family or my team at work. I don’t even know where to start with what I want.” Does this resonate with you? When was the last time you made a decision based solely on your own wants and needs? Or maybe you do put yourself first but find it’s not always easy. Asking yourself “What do I want?” is not selfish; it’s a powerful act of self-care and a key to building resilience. By reconnecting with our own desires and needs, we refuel ourselves, enabling us to better handle life’s challenges and continue supporting others. Here are a couple of strategies Hannah and I worked on together: Daily Desire Check-In: We established a daily practice of asking “What do I want?” in different areas of life. Hannah started with simple choices like “What do I want for breakfast?” She laughed because the question seemed so simple, yet she had given in to eating the pancakes her kids always asked for, which wasn’t her “choice”. Gradually she moved to bigger questions. This helped her reconnect with her preferences and desires. For example, Hannah realized she wanted to start her mornings with a quiet cup of tea instead of frantically standing by the counter eating the rest of her son’s breakfast. Getting up earlier to do this when the house was still quiet significantly improved her mood and energy throughout the day. Why not try this yourself? Start your day by asking “What do I want from today?” and see how it shifts your perspective. The ‘Me’ List: Hannah created a list of things she wanted just for herself, ranging from small indulgences to bigger life goals. She revisited and updated this list regularly, using it as a reminder of her personal aspirations. One item on Hannah’s list was learning to paint. So she signed up for a weekly art class, something she had wanted to do for years but never prioritized. Here is a PDF to create your own 'Me' list. Bach Flower Wisdom CeratoIn terms of Bach flower remedies, Cerato can be particularly helpful for those who have a hard time tuning in to their inner voice. It can help you trust your own judgment instead of asking others for advice. This week, I challenge you to ask yourself “What do I want?” at least once a day. Start with small decisions and see how it feels to prioritize your own desires. I’d love to hear from you. What’s one thing you want just for yourself? How does it feel to acknowledge this want? |
By Dr. Elissa Katz. ArchivesCategories |
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